Military Jokes

Military Jokes

An army major to wife he
An army major to wife he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action The punishment sounds a little harsh she said After all most of the soldiers have pictures of women on the walls of their quarters No honey he explained patiently Dirty magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned properly

An army major called his wife
An army major called his wife to tell her that he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action The punishment sounds a little harsh she said After all most of the soldiers have pictures of women on the walls of their quarters No honey he explained patiently Dirty magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned properly

It was early morning at the
It was early morning at the military base and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper: Ames Here Jenson Here Jones Here Magersky Here Seeback No answer Seeback No answer was heard again SEEBACK The troops remained totally silent At that point someone whispered into the first sergeant s ear He looked again at what the last name really said quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side

It was during the World War
It was during the World War II The army transport was several days out of New York and running without lights in the submarine zone Some of the fellows were having a little sociable game of poker In the midst of some friendly kicking and re-kicking there was a mighty impact against the boat All was quiet for a moment and then a voice rang out: We Are Torpedoed All the card players but one jumped to their feet Hold on fellows shouted the one who remained seated You cannot leave me now I ve got four Aces

Officers Mess notice for Sunday Breakfast:
Officers Mess notice for Sunday Breakfast: We are serving gently browned delicately hand-rolled whole wheat pancakes for lunch today stuffed with a mixture of lightly spiced mashed potatoes sauteed onions livened up with just a hint of chilli mint and coriander and topped with a swirl of golden butter Accompaniments include beaten fluffy yoghurt light as air and a home-made dip made from tender young mangoes and spices red as uncut rubies Hindi Translation: We are serving Aloo Parathas with dahi and achaa

The soldier asked for a furlough
The soldier asked for a furlough so that he might get married How long have you known the Girl? His superior asked A Week Why my lad that is hardly long enough I suggest that you wait a couple of months and then if you still want to get married I shall grant you a furlough In two months the soldier was back reminding his superior of his promise So you still want to get married? My My I did not suppose that a young man would stay interested in the same girl for such a long time nowadays I know sir But it is not the same girl si

A soldier who was habitually drunk
A soldier who was habitually drunk publicly announced to all the men in his company and surrounding companies that he was swearing off drinking and that all the other soldiers should give up this foul habit also The other soldiers would tease him to fall off the wagon by giving him whiskey and get him drunk Every morning he would be back preaching about the sins of alcohol One day his friend told him he ought to give up preaching about the evils of the jug as he always ends up drunk With a twinkle in his blood shot eyes he said What and give up all that free whiskey?

The Pakistani Major had grown increasingly
The Pakistani Major had grown increasingly anxious over rumors of an impending air strike from India Khan he ordered his aide-de-camp I want you to climb that mountain and report any signs of Indian military activity Ok Major replied Khan He trudged up the mountain and as soon as he crossed the ridge he saw a squadron of planes heading their way There are many planes coming Major he promptly radioed back Friends or enemies? the Major demanded urgently Khan again lifted his binoculars to the sky They re flying very closely together Major he replied I think they must be friends

Since the army is gradually talking
Since the army is gradually talking over more and more functions of the police there is much heartburning in police circles A constable who could not take the reduction of his status much longer got talking to a jawan Bhai I am told that you jawans of the army have to spend many years on the borders before you get leave Meanwhile your wives go on bearing children Is this really true? How do you treat these ready-made children planted on you? The jawan replied cooly I do not think this is a common occurrence But when it takes place we enrol these ready-made children as you call them into the police

 

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